Yet how can we understand words, thinking, and behavior that make no sense to us? We have to get to the shared nucleus of emotion. What’s more, slapping labels on someone rather than trying to understand them is the easy way out. This assumption is the height of human arrogance. Heaven knows if they were sane, smart, and decent they’d do it our way. We human beings, in general, often assume that if someone isn’t handling a situation how we would handle it, doing what we would do, saying what we would say, or thinking what we would think, then they must be insane, an imbecile, or a brute. If someone is acting in a way that makes you think they’re a jerk, an idiot, or crazy, odds are you’re not trying hard enough to understand their experience or thinking. This is one of the most important lessons we can ever learn. Everyone’s Behavior Makes Sense to Them.I'm referring to normally decent people who have “jerk” moments. To be clear, I'm not referring to abusive behavior. In life and in my therapy practice, I’ve found four simple keys will help us to react constructively and helpfully when a loved one goes off the deep end. We feel frustrated when they won’t listen to reason, hurt when they lash out, and confused when they make choices we don’t agree with. We’ve all experienced it, the “Jekyll-and-Hyde Syndrome,” in which a normally decent partner, friend, or family member turns into an irrational dolt and/or grumpy monster. If you'd like support in applying these concepts or for your well-being and relationships, please schedule a consultation with Jonathan here. By Jonathan Decker, Clinical Director, LMFT
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